Doldrums

Colloquially it means ‘stupid’ (dold) and ‘rums’ a noun suffix used in words like tantrums.

To me it just means ‘ bollocks’ and not the good kind.

I have been on anti-depressants   for around 4-5 years and they have helped tremendously.

They have lowered my sensitivity, balanced my rage (to a certain extent) and I have been able to go through life and deal with things on an OK basis.

However, I find myself dulled and somewhat lethargic. Not as sharp perhaps.

So I have ‘come off’ my meds.

It has been around a month and this is the first time that I can honestly say that I have noticed being in a solidly depressed state.

The brother of depression Mr. PTSD is noticeably there today.

Kind of like feeling you are taking speed without the euphoric overtones.

Or, driving really fast without going anywhere spinning the wheels until peels of acrid smoke stop you to take a breath.

The other motivation that I have to come off/stay off meds. Is that I want to pursue my acting without them.

I am good acting on them but I have a funny feeling I would be brilliant without taking them, as the rawness of feelings is easier to release as they are much closer to the surface.

I, of course, will let you know how things transpire.

I don’t want to turn into the stereotypical ‘trouser snake’ and be a complete and utter bastard though.

So with my continued promise of mentioning John Wayne and to shed light on a Conservative icon, there was/is a British band in the 80’s called ‘Haysi Fantayzee’ .

They had one hit which was called ‘John Wayne is big leggy’ which was a surprise hit because it was worthless shite.

However, the messaging behind it was phenomenal.

The ‘song’ (loosely put) was an allegory of the treatment white settlers used on Native Americans in the good Ol’ USA back in the ‘settlin’ days’.

The writer of the song wrote it like ‘John Wayne having anal sex with a squaw’.

Check it out its available on youtube and it kinda reinforces the 80’s thing.

-TDB.